Are you tough enough for the happiness corps?

Are you tough enough for the happiness corps?

Right, then. What have we got here, then? Squad! Atten-shun! At ease! Are you tough enough for the happiness corps?
Yes sir!
I can't hear you.
Yes sir!
Are you a bunch of snivelly-nosed babies who have to run off to mother every time you hear a fact you didn't know?
No sir!
Do humans have infinite knowledge?
No sir!
Is it your fault if you don't know everything?
No sir!
Do you need to learn, if you are going to be happy?
Yes sir!
Are you going to learn?
Yes sir!
Does the world look like a happy place to you?
No sir!
Could you be happier?
Yes sir!
Have you got all the happiness you could ever want?
No sir!
Are you too afraid to find out how you made this mess?
No sir!
Are you going to get your knickers in a twist if someone suggests how you screwed up?
No sir!
Do you care more about your happiness than appearing to be allwise?
Yes sir!
All happiness is real happiness. There is no happiness in unreality. To be happy, you have to be real. Are you going to be real?
Yes sir!
Why are you going to be real? Corporal Jensen?
To be happy, sir!
Why are you going to be happy? Corporal Stallworthy?
Don't know, sir!
Because it is your duty! What is it?
Our duty, sir!
Why is it your duty? Corporal?
Don't know, sir!
Because you are you! Are you anyone else, Corporal Krishnamurti?
No sir!
Is anyone else you, Corporal Ralston?
No sir!
Is there someone else in charge of your happiness, Corporal Halliday?
No sir!
Who's in charge of your happiness, Corporal Spritsky?
I am, sir!
Are you going to do your duty, Corporal Fujitsu?
Yes sir!
Have you been doing your duty, Corporal Mallard?
Don't know, sir!
Does the world look like anyone has been doing their duty, squad?
No sir!
Right, squad. Into the classroom. At the double.

Right. Up against the wall, standing on your hands! Now, if one person steals the property of 1000, are the 1000 happier?
No sir!
Is the one person happier? Come on, come on, is the one person happier?
Don't know, sir!
Has he got 1000 enemies?
Yes sir!
Has he got 1000 times more than he can use?
Yes sir!
Is he happier?
No sir!
If someone steals from you, are you happier?
No sir!
Is there any reason to believe that there is anyone who is happy to be stolen from?
No sir!
Can you rely on stealing to make you unhappier?
Yes sir!
Can you rely on any form of injuring to make you unhappier?
Yes sir!
Have you been vigilant to see if you are injuring anyone? Been checking lately to see if you have in any way been injuring people?
No sir!
So have you been pursuing your happiness?
No sir!
Does a bird pursue its happiness? Does a worm pursue its happiness? Are you duller than a worm?
No sir!
Yes sir! You haven't been pursuing your happiness, and a worm has. You've been unvigilant about injuring others, who will certainly injure you back. You've been duller, less conscious than a worm, than a hedgehog. Pay justice is equal pay for equal work. Injustice is injury. We have pay for a year's work from $30 to $30 billion. Does that sound like injury to you?
Yes sir!
We have a situation like one person stealing everything off 1000 people. We have enough money to pay every worker in the world including housewives and students $100,000 a year. And we have 90% of workers on between $1000 and $10. Does that sound like theft to you?
Yes sir!
Is theft injury?
Yes sir!
Does injury rebound?
Yes sir!
Are we injuring ourselves about as hard as we can?
Yes sir!
Does that sound like pursuit of happiness to you?
No sir!
Can we do better?
Yes sir!
Do we have an enormous opportunity for increase of happiness?
Yes sir!
Learned anything today, soldiers?
Yes sir!
Are you going to engage in wasteful chitchat this evening, or in eager pursuit of realism and happiness?
Happiness, sir!
Are you going to cry because someone pointed out you are standing in a cesspit, or are you going to haul yourself out of there?
Haul ourselves out of there!
You are going to go out of here, you are not going to say a word, you are going to find a comfortable spot away from others, and you are not going to think one word. If you think, you are going to stop thinking. You are going to make like a block of wood. Class dismissed.